Things I won't forget about you...

I mentioned before that I will probably forget that you exist the minute after I exit the door but you have made an impression that is not easy to forget. And so even though, I might forget your name, you will always be the 1st flatmare I ever had... (not that I want a 2nd nor a 3rd, but you know what I mean). So here are the things I won't forget about you...

* For having the ability to break or ruin things without even touching it... (you said you didn't but...whatever!)

*How you chew your food louder than how our dogs chew theirs.

* Your loud burp from the kitchen which I can clearly hear from my room even if the door is closed.

* What the food inside the refrigerator becomes after you leave it open the whole day

* Whenever you wash your face and brush your teeth at the kitchen sink and leave your toothpaste lying there without the lid.

* Your toothbrush and retainer which you leave on top of the refrigerator without any cover or protection and how you just rinse them and put them in your mouth...

* When you call me at night and asks me to open the door for you becoz you lost your keys for the 16th time.

* How you keep referring to yourself as obsessive-compulsive when you can't even locate your keys.

And of course how you have transformed the room you have taken over with your gift of interior design skills...

You are truly one of a kind... and I hope you really are just one... good luck to your new flatmates... I won't miss you! :)

Time to say goodbye... woohoo!

They say good things come to an end... well, so do bad things. It's time to finally say goodbye... erm... i don't think it would really be a good one, but who cares? Care bears? I'm sooooo glad that I was able to keep my sanity even though I feel like I was trapped in a psychiatric ward with one extreme and incurable patient. Anyways, a few more days to go and I'm finally waking up from this coma and of course that means, this blog will soon be left floating idle in cyber space.

Although I must admit, I will miss those sleepless nights when I write my new posts about her stupidity, evilness and narcissism... and of course, that's one less from the top list of topics of conversations with my friends and colleagues. Yes yes yes, it's gonna be a loss but that's one loss I'm never ever gonna regret. A minute after I get out of this house permanently, I might even forget about her existence already. hahaha!

Anyways, this won't be my last post. Grand finale to come! :)

Her bestfriend's wedding... but she's not invited...

I was having a lovely dinner with my friend who brought me to a very nice place to celebrate my birthday. We sort of were catching up with each other because it's been quite a while since we had our last lunch or dinner together. Then, another "lost" friend gave me a call that night... and it was lucy. I thought she was gonna ask me if I'm home and if she can drop by at our place. But to my surprise, she said something else. She said she wanted to invite me to her wedding. Wow! That was fast... but of course I'm happy for her and I've met the guy and he seems decent enough. But before I could say anything, she said "But please don't tell Zoe, coz she's not invited." When I heard that phrase, I knew that my next blog will be about it. hahaha.

It's crazy, how can they claim that they're bestfriends but you don't invite them to your wedding? It's funny but sad at the same time. It's sad that Zoe is still living in her own world where she thinks everything she does is right and she's always the good guy. I don't know if she convinces herself everyday that she's perfect by looking at the mirror and saying "I'm perfect and everyone loves me" ten times or is it because of the people like Lucy who doesn't really speak up and doesn't let Zoe know about her flaws. From what I noticed, Zoe doesn't have real friends because everyone finds out what her true color is and stays away from her instead of telling her the truth.

To those who claim that they are Zoe's friend, please help her live in reality... then you can be what you claim to be.

You don't have to be techie to know what a spam mail is...

One day Zoe was complaining about how a budget airline did not send her a booking confirmation via email. Then, I told her to call the airline but she said she doesn't want to spend money on calling them since it takes a while for her call to get through and the office of the airline is overseas. So I told her to call the credit card company instead and check if the booking was posted on her credit card. So she called her dad and asked him to check for her.

A few days later, I asked her about her flight booking and she said she's worried that she might not have been able to book the flight but she was charged with her credit card. She kept complaining about it over and over again to her friend who came over that day. Until I thought that the mail could've been routed to her spam mails. And so I told her to check her spam mails. Then she turned to me with a silly-and-ignorant looking face and said, "SPAM???". "Yeah, spam!" I replied. Then she just stared at me for about 30 seconds... then I gave her a stupified look with a huge "?!?" on my face and said, "Spam mails a.k.a Junk mails". So then she looked at her spam mail and found it. "You are so smart! You are so smart!", she said to me. "Why didn't I think of that?", she added with an embarrassed tone.

Her friend, sensing Zoe's self-esteem going down below her knees, tried to make her feel better and said, "Maybe you're just not a techie person... that's why!". And because I still wasn't over the fact that she didn't know what a spam mail is, I blurted out "I'm sorry! (with a very sarcastic and supercilious tone) But you don't have to be techie to know that..." Then I went back to watching t.v.

Yes... I know... sometimes I just can't control myself. I really just have to let it out. hehehe.

Just a sudden thought... is it because she's not a techie person that's why she couldn't figure out that the socket switch is turned off that's why she can't turn on the aircon? Hmmm... Maybe.

(Note to readers: you have to read the post prior to this to understand the aircon remark)

IQ test... FAIL!

We all know by now that Zoe has an EQ that is almost close to zero. Thus, I've given up. I'm really trying not to be bothered with all the stupid and irresponsible things she does. So one day, I decided to test her IQ instead. Nope, I didn't give her a quiz... coz that's too difficult for her. What I did is, I turned off the socket switch (which is very much visible to the naked eye) for the air conditioner in the living room. I was just wondering if she would really be stupid enough not to figure out that the switch is turned off. And as I have expected and honestly hoped for... she didn't! I saw her once trying to turn it on and she didn't ask me because she might be scared to let me know that the aircon is not working. hahaha!

Last weekend, she had a friend who came over and was complaining that how hot it is in the living room and I heard her tell her friend that the aircon is busted. Then the friend asked, "why is it busted?". I didn't hear her response because I was inside my room but I thought the friend would figure out that the switch is turned off. When I came out that night, I checked on the switch and it's still turned off. I grinned. :)

All together now: "BIRDS OF THE SAME FEATHER, FLOCK TOGETHER"

The other night, when I came home, I saw her trying to turn on the aircon again and I almost laughed in front of her. And of course she still didn't mention it to me. Well too bad, because if she asked me, I might tell her that the switch is off. MIGHT.

So let me quote Einstein on this... "Stupidity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results".

Got it Zoe? Oh forget it! Pffffffft!

She has the Midas touch... only, the other way around!

Probably everyone who had English subject in Elementary school knows the Myth about the touch of Midas. But for the sake of those who don't... Once upon a time, there was a King who was grumpy and greedy. The only thing that made him happy were his gold, he spends the day counting them again and again. One day, while he was busy counting his gold, a messenger was sent by the gods to grant him one wish. Without hesitating the King said, "I want everything I touch to turn into gold", and so it was granted. Everything he touched turned into gold, even her daughter. So there you have it, that's the story behind the Midas touch.

Zoe sort of has that kind of power, and I doubt that it came from the gods. But hers is kinda different in a way that everything she touches turns into trash or becomes broken or gets lost and all the worst things that could happen to a thing. You know what I mean! First thing she broke? Unfortunately, was my laptop.

2nd, the light bulb in our laundry room.

3rd, my favorite limited edition **** glass.

4th, her bathroom sink.

5th, her shower.

6th, the wall clock in the living room. (I really don't know how you can crack a clock without dropping it, so I guess it was really her touch)

7th, a mug where the handle just fell off. (which according to her was already like that when she saw it that night... lier!)

8th, her cellphone

9th, her friend's cellphone which she just borrowed.

10th, Lucy's spare cellphone which she demanded to be given to her. (so evil)

Well, I could keeping going on forever but I think you already get my point. So there... I just hope she doesn't touch me coz I don't want to turn into a shit. :p

The biggest blessing in disguise!

Lights out and preparing myself to sleep... suddenly voices from the living room started to get louder and tones are getting higher. Hmmm... something's going on, I'm quite sure Zoe and Lucy are having an argument. This kept going for the next 30 minutes while in my head, im freaking out because i'm imagining weird morbid stuff that could happen if their fight gets bad. Like maybe the next day, I will just wake up to a crime scene where the police will escort me to their headquarters and put me in a room and ask me questions about the crime. Okay, okay, fine my imagination is going wild but with these two weirdos in my house, anything can happen. Anyways, after a couple of more minutes, I no longer hear voices. In my mind I'm thinking "Oh shit, should I go out and check on them? I wonder if Lucy stabbed Zoe with a knife or something"... Yeah I know, it was kinda morbid of me to even think that. tsk tsk tsk. So I went out and pretended that I will get some water from the fridge. Thank God! They're still alive... and still arguing with toned down voices. As I passed by them to make my way to the kitchen, I heard Zoe say "If this is not gonna be healthy for the both of us, then I think it's time for me to turn my back on you". Oooh... serious talk!

The next morning, I was late for work so I wasn't able to talk to Lucy and ask what happened... On my way home after work which was around 11PM, I bumped into Lucy at the building entrance... it's as if I'm really meant to know what was their argument was about. Yes!!! hehehe Well, at least I didn't eavesdrop nor gossiped. I got first hand information. hahaha! So here's how their argument started...

Lucy was complaining about work over the phone with a friend. Zoe kept butting in but Lucy just ignored her until Lucy said something like "C'mon God, I'm not asking for something big, I just want a nice boss... is it too much to ask?" Then Zoe got furious and told Lucy "You shouldn't question your faith Lucy! You should count all your blessings! In fact, I'M YOUR BIGGEST BLESSING. You're very ungrateful to me." I have to emphasize the phrase so I put it all in upper case... my gosh! How conceited is this creature? That's probably the most narcissistic remark ever! I've never heard that sentence arranged in that way before... it's usually, "You're my biggest blessing". I kept laughing while Lucy was still teary eyed while narrating all the nasty things Zoe told her. Of course I apologized for laughing at the matter and told Lucy, "You should've told her that if she really is your biggest blessing, then that's one big hell of a blessing in disguise" Nope that's not harsh... because if I want to be harsh, I would probably say, " If you're a blessing, then I don't want to have any blessing anymore EVER!

Saved by the bell?

Lucy finally got a job and I'm so happy for her. Few days later, I found out from Zoe that Lucy's boss is mistreating her and the position that was offered to her was just a cover-up. I got furious when I heard about that and during our conversation, Zoe, again proves to be inhuman. Here's how it went...

Moi: Hey! heard about the good news. Lucy's got a job!

Zoe: Yeah! But it's not really that good. The salary is too small.

Moi: It's fine, at least she will have enough to cover her expenses.

Zoe: I don't know. I think it's really stupid. Did you know she had to

pay the agency 2x her monthly salary for getting her that job?

Moi: Serious?!? That's weird... how come she needs to pay?

Zoe: And the employee will deduct 20% of her salary every month

for her uniform. Isn't it funny? hehehe

Moi: What the! Why would they do that? I thought she's an assistant

manager?

Zoe: That's the thing, she's not! They only said that in the interview.

She's just a waitress. (Smirking)

Moi: Oh my! That's bad, why didn't she mention this to us before?

We should have reviewed the contract first.

Zoe: Well, I actually did and I told her not to accept the job. But she

said, she doesn't have much of a choice. Which is kinda true and

I actually agree. Heehee!

Moi: Well yeah, but something fishy is going on. Why is Lucy

allowing them to do that to her? She needs some whacking so

she'll realize how bad they are treating her.

Zoe: Yeah I know! That's really stupid. hahaha! I would never do

something like that. It's so funny! You know? She even had to

take out the trash? Eeeeew! hahaha (annoying evil laugh)

Moi: You're funny, how can you laugh at her situation? I think she's

really in a bad spot right now you know...

and before she answered, my phone rang so I went inside my room and never came out. I'm not sure if she or I was saved by the bell. Saved her the time and effort to think of an answer/lie or saved me from hearing her atrocious response. But then again, I should probably give her the benefit of doubt. She might actually care for her and just doesn't know how to express herself properly. Although I really doubt giving her that benefit.

Guess who's back? "Bestfriend", masseuse and maid in one.

It's weekend and Lucy brought some of her stuff over to our house. Ah-huh! She's definitely planning to stay over which I really don't mind. She still doesn't have a job so Zoe offered her to stay in her room while she's still looking for a job. (At this time, I thought Zoe was actually human enough to be nice to her cousin) A few days later, I had to call in sick from work. So when I finally went out of my room to grab a sandwich from the fridge, I saw Lucy cooking lunch. Then she asked me to join her for lunch and so I did. I asked her how her job hunt is going, how she kills time on a day when she doesn't have a job interview and her friends are at work... We just kept chatting while enjoying the dish she prepared.

Then she told me that she's surprised to find me as a very nice person. Then I asked her why. She said, "Because Zoe always warned me about you and I should always get out of your way when I'm staying at your house". I was surprised but I just laughed it off. I said, " Oh really? Then how come she never did?" Then we just both laughed and of course I told her what her "bestfriend" did before that made me kept my distance from her. The room entry and taking my laptop without permission, moving things around and keeping some of the things in the common area in her room. The weirdest thing is keeping my luggage in the storage cabinet in her room. (WTF!) Lucy told me that Zoe asked her not to use electricity when Zoe is not around. So she doesn't turn on the lights and even the electric fan. According to Zoe, I will get mad if the electricity bill gets a bit more expensive. (ooooh... apparently, I'm so scary) I told Lucy, "Of course that is not true, I'm not like that. She's probably using me as an excuse."

A few days later, lucy is alone in the living room. Again... she kept on talking and talking and talking. She's already complaining to me because the only reason why Zoe's inviting her over is to ask Lucy to give her a massage every night and clean up her bedroom and toilet. Yup! Lucy is very domesticated. She said, she doesn't mind if she would offer to do that every now and then but Zoe is just too demanding. And tells her that since she has no job, she might as well clean for her. I don't know how to react when I heard this, I wanted to laugh but I'm appalled with Zoe's behavior. Would you do that to your "bestfriend"? I wouldn't even do that to my enemy...

Meeting Lucy... the continuation...

To continue from my previous post... I look at my watch and it's already 3AM.  I have to sleep and continue my conversation with Lucy some other time since I still have work in the morning.  I seem to find her amusing, she's not pretentious and despite the fact that she has gone through a lot in life, she still knows and hopes that there's gonna be a light at the end of the tunnel.  She may have had bad experiences with her imperceptive choices in life but it turns out that she's a good person.  A responsible daughter to her parents and a selfless sister to her siblings.  But then again, it's too early to tell if she's real or just making up stories like her bestfriend.  Like they say, birds of the same feathers lie together... I mean fly together... actually that's  "flock" together. hehehe

The next night, she finds me at my usual spot, watching tv in the living room.  She quietly joins me as she noticed that I'm focused on my fave series, House.  When it's finally over, she started to talk.  She was asking me questions and of course I returned the favor.  Zoe comes out of the room but never joined our conversation.  She asked Lucy to help her with something in her room and then Lucy comes out after 15 mins or so to talk again.  Once more, she told me some of the things she's done in the past that she isn't really proud of.  I actually admire her for being honest and I think she deserves a second chance.  It's already past 2AM and I'm still talking to her.  I would have to say that she has given me too much information that I can already write a biography for her...

The next night, I came home and found Zoe alone...  I wonder where Lucy is but I couldn't be bothered to ask, besides, I don't want to hear Zoe's annoying trying-to-be cute voice.  So I guess I'll just take it as Lucy was just a commercial break from this flatmare... 

Meet Lucy, she was Zoe's bestfriend...

Just when things were starting to get peaceful and boring... a new character has come forth.  I left work early and bought my favorite dinner, cheese prata with curry sauce.  As I enter the house, wide smiles welcomed me in the living room and Zoe introduced her cousin to me.  Okay, she didn't tell me that she was having a guest who's staying over but it's fine...  As I eat my dinner at the dining room, I started a casual conversation with Lucy.  

Moi:  So, how long are you staying here for holiday?

Lucy:  Well, I don't know... maybe a month or so.  I'm gonna try to 

          look for a job here.

Zoe interrupted, "Oh!  She's just staying for a month... max!"

Moi:  I see.  So are you going to apply at Zoe's company?

Lucy:  Yup! I'll try, she said she'll help me get in.

Moi:  Oooh... that would be fun.  You'll be working together.

Lucy:  Yeah!  Zoe and I are bestfriends in college.

"Yeah... she WAS my bestfriend", Zoe butted in.  

As I try not to spit the curry out of my nose when I heard Zoe's remark, Lucy continued talking as if trying to change the topic.  Something funny is definitely going on between these two.  hahaha!  Then we continued talking while Zoe was busy chatting in her laptop.  About an hour after, Zoe already went inside her room and Lucy is still talking non-stop and she has already shared how her life was like for the last 5 years.  How she got into drugs, had a same sex relationship, and got into some illegal deals.  She even told me that a few months ago, she ran away from her gangster boyfriend because he was beating her up.  Then the guy proposed marriage to her and they got back together.  Two months after, the guy got killed and now she's here trying to move on... 

My eyes are really tired and I'm now practically typing with just my right eye open, I have to continue this some other time...

Yup I ate it. Is that yours?

My sister visited and before she came, I asked her to buy 2 packs of a particular cracker that can only be bought overseas that my flatmate really likes.   I did ask her to buy it so I can give it to my flatmate.  Yes! I know! I know! And I agree with you, I also don't know why I'm still being nice to my flatmate.  Anyways, so I fetched my sister from the airport and we got home after midnight.  Zoe is already asleep so I just left the crackers on the table in the living room but I didn't leave a note.  The next morning, I saw that the crackers were already gone.  So she definitely took it and didn't even leave a note or send a text message to say thank you.

After dinner, my sister and I already went home since we have to leave really early the next day for our overseas trip.  Zoe is home... so I introduced her to my sister.  Then I asked her, "Did you see the crackers?".  And then she gave a shocked expression and didn't say a word for about 5 seconds.  Then she said, "Yup!  I took it!  Is that yours?".   Then I replied, "Yes, my sister brought it but I really asked her to buy it for you.".  "Oh really?  Thanks!  I already ate it!  Yummy!", she said.

I was like, what the hell is wrong with this girl?  The fact that she took it without asking me is really annoying.  I know I'm not supposed to get mad coz it's really for her.  But she just makes it so difficult for me to like her.  She doesn't have a sense of privacy or respect for other people's things. (I'm now taking deep breaths right this moment... to be able to finish this post).  So does that mean that everything I put in the common area is already a common property? After that, I never put anything in the kitchen nor the living room that is expensive or at least I don't want to share with her.  If I could only keep the microwave and the oven toaster in my room, I actually would.  hahaha!  But that just sounds so pathetic and selfish. Oh!  FYI, she took my luggage (which is quietly standing at the corner of the living room) and placed it inside the storage area of her room.  What the?!?  

Im thinking what if I put some of those rat poison in the kitchen... Nah!!! She might really eat it... Well, on second thought... they can't blame me if she's really stupid right?  

  

Are you smarter than a 5th grader? Naaah!!!

One night, Zoe was chatting with her sister who is working overseas...  

Zoe:  Denise, do you know where I can buy a Gong? My sister is 

         asking me to buy for her.

Moi:  Gong?  What is that?  Sounds like a musical instrument. 

Zoe:  No, she said it's for mixing spices...

Moi:  I don't know what that is.  Why don't you google it, or ask her to 

         send a picture.

Zoe:  Yeah you're right... okay I'll ask her.

Her sister then sends the picture...

Moi:  That's a Gong?  It looks like a mortar and pestle... heehee

Zoe:  Oh yeah!  It looks like a mortar and pestle.  Stupid sister! 

         hahaha (LOL)

Moi:  Hahaha!  I don't know where you can buy that from 

         though... Chinatown maybe?

Zoe:  I'm gonna tell her that her Gong looks like a mortar and 

         pestle... why the heck does she want it?

While typing eagerly to tell her sister how stupid she thinks her sister is for calling a Mortar and Pestle a "Gong", she stops and looks at me...

Zoe:  How do you spell Mortar and Pestle again?

I wanted to ask her, "where did you study your primary education again?  Coz I'm definitely not sending my kids there. hahaha!

"Eeew!!! Men here are not castrated"

I was watching TV peacefully in the living room when Zoe came home...

Zoe:  Hey!  I just found out something!

Moi:  What?

Zoe:  Majority of the men here are not castrated!

Moi:  Uhm... so?

Zoe:  Eeeeeew!!!  Hello!  It's not hygienic.   

Moi:  uh...

Zoe:  I can't believe it!  how can they not have those things removed

         when they were babies.

Moi:  Huh?  Do you mean circumsized instead?

Zoe:  Duh!  It's the same thing.  I'm not gonna get married here. 

         Yikes!

Moi:  ... (I'm speechless)

Thank God for TV!

Home-wrecker. Literally wrecks the house!

Argggh!  I won't be surprised if one day I come home and find out that I no longer have a house to live in.  Zoe is damn clumsy and very very very messy!  She likes to take things from the common area and hides it in her room for some weird reason.  Leaves her dirty and sweaty socks on the kitchen table and brushes her teeth on the kitchen sink without rinsing the excess toothpaste and her spit after.  So we're starting to have mildew and rust already.  She leaves her retainers in the dusty shelf without any container. (I feel like puking now...)  She breaks glass and other stuff one after another and makes up stories all the time which actually makes her look more stupid with all her fake and inconsistent alibis.  Nope she's not a kid, she's a professional who's older than me.  I just can't imagine how she behaves in the office.  Poor company!

Wifi for the dummy!

I love wifi!  It's so convenient and cheap.  But recently, it's either we've been experiencing some disruption from the service provider or something's not working properly with the router...

Zoe rushes out of her room, switches the router off and turns it on again.  (Yup! it does work all the time) She comes out again and did the same thing again and again.  Until the fourth time, she stops and asks, "Is something wrong with our wifi?"  "It's perfectly fine, I'm surfing the net now", I replied.  "Oh no! Something's wrong with my laptop then", she said.  

I told her to shut her laptop down and turn it on again... and she did.  But she still couldn't connect to the internet.  She starts to panic and dig some stuff in her "jungle" cabinet and grabbed some things under her bed.  "What are you doing?", I asked.  "I'm looking for my receipt and my warranty card, I'm gonna return this stupid laptop", she sounds so pissed.  " I can't believe they sold me a bad stock, I paid so much for this!"

Well it's a good thing that her laptop is just a few weeks old so she definitely doesn't have to worry about the repair/ check-up expenses.  I then took a glance at her laptop and noticed something... the wifi function switch is not turned on!!!  Oh my oh why... "dummy" is probably an understatement.  Hahaha!

Are you in or are you out?

23:48 hours.  My phone rings...

Moi:  Hello?

Zoe:  Deniiiiiiiiiise...?

Moi:  Hey Zoe!  What's up?

Zoe:  Uhm... are you hooooome?

Moi:  Nope!

Zoe:  Ohhhh! Are you out???

Moi: Uhm... yeah... 

Zoe:  Alright!  See you at home.

Isn't it obvious?  I'm not home... so I'm definitely out.  One big DUH!

Flatmare has begun!

Im sure a lot of people can relate to this... especially those who has to share space with someone whom they don't really get along with. Unfortunately, I'm one of them!    

It all began when my previous flatmate decided to move in with his fiancée.  So he found a new flatmate that would take over his room. I was quite excited because he told me that this girl (Zoe) is young and carefree so he thinks we will get along very well. Didn't know that my constant nightmare is about to begin.

Zoe finally moved in, trying to be a good and dependable flatmate... I let her borrow some of my stuff which I expected her to return by weekend when she buys her own. But No! Hell No! She never returned it and finished everything.  One night, I told her I need to borrow back the fan and then she stared at me and said "do you need it?". Now that's really a dumb question... why the heck would I ask it back if I don't need it?  And now it's me who needs to borrow it from you???

Then the most irritating part is, she started entering my room and took my laptop out and used it without my permission... until the day it crashed! And when I asked her what happened, she said "It was perfectly fine when I used it" with a very annoying bimbo voice. Arggghhh!!! Not a good start at all... and it's gonna be a long journey...